You have been telling yourself the same story about money for a long time. Maybe it has been ten years, maybe twenty, maybe longer. And somewhere along the way, the experiences piled up—the overdrafts, the debt, the decisions you wish you could take back—and they started to feel like evidence that you are just who you are with money. That this is how it is always going to be.
But here is what I want you to sit with today: that old financial identity has had decades to practice. It is familiar. You know how to operate from it. You know how to make decisions from inside it.
And the new financial identity you are building—the one where you look at your bank account without dreading what you will find, where you make decisions with intention instead of reacting to whatever is in front of you—that identity might be a day old, a week old, over even a year old.
And I think we forget that.
In this episode, I want to offer you a completely different way to look at where you are in your financial journey, because the way you talk to yourself while you are building something new matters
In this episode, you’ll learn…
[00:05:10] Why your financial identity has been building for decades and why expecting your new one to perform his hindering your progress
[00:10:30] What it actually looks like to treat your new financial identity with the same compassion you would give anyone who is still learning something new
[00:15:45] How every decision you make in alignment with who you are becoming reinforces your new financial identity and weakens the old one
[00:20:20] How to use reflection to see how far you have actually come, even when you keep moving the goalpost
[00:25:40] What to do when new life circumstances show up that you could not have predicted and why the identity you are building right now prepares you for them
Tune in to this episode of Money Files to understand how old your financial identity actually is and why the compassion and grace you give yourself while building a new one is just as important as any budget or plan you could make.
Are you ready to start asking for help with your finances? Apply to work with me, and let’s start working towards your financial goals.
If you loved this episode on building a new financial identity and finally giving yourself grace while you are still learning, check out 153 | The Lily Pad Progress Method: Reframing Your Financial Progress
Transcript for “Why Changing Your Money Starts With Your Financial Identity ”
Intro: Hi, and welcome to Money Files. I’m Keina Newell from Wealth Over Now. I work every day with professional women and solopreneurs to help them get out of financial overwhelm and shame so they can experience more flexibility and ease with their finances. Are you ready to gain confidence and learn to manage your finances intentionally? Tune in and grab financial tips that will help you master the way you think about and manage your finances.
Keina: Hello, and welcome back to another episode of Money Files. I’m excited to talk to you today. I know that I’ve been telling you that we’re going through a series of the four A’s of money alignment, but I’m actually going to just take a pause because I really wanted to drop this podcast episode, thanks to one of my clients because we’ve been having a conversation about financial identities. And today I want to pose the question for you as a multiple six-figure earner, have you ever thought about how old your financial identity is?
So my client had been talking to me about a mindset that she wants to create in relation to like a fear that she has that like what would happen if everything that she’s creating and that we’re building together, like if it all went away? What would happen if we went through another recession? So as I was listening to a podcast, I actually thought about her because on this podcast, they were one of the podcast host, I was like the author, no, but the podcast host, she was talking about identities. And it had been a while since I had kind of had this analogy for myself thanks to one of my business coaches, but I challenged her to think about the fact that we all have identities. So that was the first thing.
And I’m opening up that challenge for you because we have identities about every single area of our life. We have identities about our career. We have identities about our relationship. We have identities about our health and you have an identity around your money. And I think sometimes we forget that all of these identities are built over time. And when it comes to finances, I think this is really important to acknowledge, is that the current identity that you have, you have built over time. So let’s say that your current identity, you’ve spent the last 20 years thinking, I don’t know how to manage money or I’m not good with money or I always overspend.
And I want you to think about, if I’ve spent the last 20 years thinking that way, something happened to me where in the last 20 years, or maybe it’s been ever since you were little and you’re 20 years old now, or you’re 30 years old now, I want you to think about that identity. You’ve spent the last 20, 30 years building that identity. Your identity is an adult, like the actual construction of that identity. You have lived that way for decades. And I want you to think about the new financial identity that you might be building, or maybe you haven’t even built it yet. You’re just starting to think about changing your finances.
And so that new financial identity that you’re building, it’s probably like I would refer to it as a baby. So please stay with me. Hopefully you’re not like, Keina, what are you talking about? But because I think that if you listen to me throughout this podcast, you are going to be able to shift the way that you talk to yourself about money. And that is incredibly important that we shift the way that you talk to yourself about your finances, because it’s part of making sure that you can sustain the work. When I’m working with clients, I’m always listening for how they’re talking to themselves, because if I can change the way that they talk, if I can shift their thoughts, help them shift their thoughts, then it’s going to shift their results. It’s going to shift their outcomes. So let’s say that you’ve had the identity that you don’t know how to manage money, and you’ve had that for the last 20 years.
So for 20 years, a whole adult, a junior in college, you’ve been telling yourself things like, I’m not good with money. I always overspend. I don’t know where my money goes. I can make money, but I can’t seem to keep it. And maybe you’ve had experiences that have reinforced the things that you believe about yourself. Maybe you’ve overdrafted your account. You’ve gone into debt. You’ve had to borrow money. Maybe you had to file bankruptcy. Maybe you’ve made a financial decision that you wish you could take back. And so over time, these experiences have started to feel like evidence that you just are who you are. Like you are always going to fail at money.
But what I want you to think about is what happens when you’ve had that identity for so long? It becomes familiar. You know how to operate from that identity. You know how to make decisions from that identity. And you know how to respond when something goes wrong. And sometimes even when you want to change, that old identity is still the one that you’re most comfortable with, even though it’s not serving you, but you’re comfortable with it because it’s the thing that is most practiced. So now when you are going to build a new financial identity, whether it is still in the conception phase of Keina, this is something I want to do and I want to be able to change my finances or maybe you’ve been at it.
So like with my client, we’ve been working together for at least three months. And so she’s been working on her finances for three months. Maybe you’re in a similar place. So you’re learning how to budget, how to think ahead, how to make decisions with your money. You’re learning how to talk to your partner about money. You’re learning how to spend without feeling like you’re doing something wrong. You’re learning how to save. You’re learning how to look at your bank account without immediately feeling overwhelmed. And I want you to think about that new identity, the identity of someone who manages their money well, who is thoughtful about their spending, who can make financial decisions, the identity of someone who can talk to another person about money.
If you’ve only been doing that for the last 90 days, that identity is only three months old. And I think sometimes we expect our three-month-old identity, the one that we’re building, to perform like our 20-year-old identity that has been with us for years. We expect ourselves to know what to do, to make the right decision, to never overspend, to never make a mistake. And when we don’t, we can start telling ourselves, see, I’m just not good with money. I’m never going to change. But what if that’s not actually true at all? What if we’re just looking at it in the wrong way?
So what I offered to my client was, if we think about your new financial identity that you’re building, and we think about it as in human form, you’re dealing with a three-month-old. How do you treat a three-month-old? I’ve been around babies my entire life. And if you have a three-month-old, sometimes you may still support their head, you pick them up when they cry, you’re engaging with them. And so if you think about how you present yourself in front of a three-month-old, you’re compassionate, you know that they still need help, you know that they’re learning, you don’t judge them for not knowing how to do something. You’re not looking at a three-month-old like, so you couldn’t vacuum while I was gone from the house?
Nobody is yelling at a three-month-old that can’t crawl or that can’t put on their own clothes or saying to them like, how do you not know this by now? So I want you to just use that imagery for your money. Use that imagery for your new financial identity because when it comes to your money, if you are building this new financial identity and it’s only three months old, how are you speaking to yourself when things go wrong? When they don’t go your way? How are you speaking to yourself when you overspend? How are you speaking to yourself when you make a decision that you wish you had made differently? Or how are you speaking to yourself as you’re just going through this journey?
I think sometimes we forget that we are nurturing something that is new to us. And anything that we’re building, it takes time. We have to learn from our mistakes. And from our mistakes, we decide, oh, okay, I noticed that when I’m really tired that I tend to spend more money. Or, oh, I just got hit with that annual expense, but I’m only four months into this. I hadn’t had a chance to get to October and actually know that expense was going to hit my account because I’m only four months into this. I’ve never been through a fall season with actually knowing all of my numbers.
So if you’re thinking about this new financial identity that you’re building, you can be much more compassionate with yourself. At the end of the day, I want you to think about the fact that this new identity has to outgrow the other identity that you have. And it’s going to do that over time. It’s going to do that through the decisions that you make. It’s going to do that through the way that you respond when things don’t go your way, by how you talk to yourself, by how you reflect on your money. Because every single time you make a decision that aligns with the person you’re becoming, you’re reinforcing that identity. Every time you look at your bank account, instead of avoiding it, you are reinforcing that new identity.
Every time you make a mistake and you choose to say, oh, okay, Keina, you’re doing too much. You are reinforcing that new identity. So one of the things I constantly ask clients to do is to reflect on their work. Like the work that we’re doing together. Who are you today that you weren’t three months ago? Who are you today that you weren’t six months ago? How would you respond to this situation had it happened a year ago? Because the thing that I know to be true as we are working on any area of our lives is that we continue to move the goalpost. So some of my clients are like, oh my goodness, Keina, can we just like, if I could just have all of my bills on auto pay, it would be amazing.
And then they have their bills on auto pay, but by the time the auto pay, like that thing has happened, they’ve moved the goalpost. They’ve decided on a new goal because now their bill is coming out of their account automatically and there being money there, that just feels normal. So I think it’s so important to stop and just reflect because there are celebrations and being able to see, dang, the old version of me never would have been able to handle this. Like she would have melted, went under the couch, went under the bed and never came out. Or she would have just overdrafted her account or she would have charged it on her credit card and figured it out later versus saying to yourself, oh, you know, my card broke down. In the past, I would have put it on my credit card, but I called two mechanics.
I made sure that I looked at the two different estimates and then I looked at my bank account. I saw that I had some of the money that I needed and then I made a decision moving forward. Those are the things that you have to pay attention to as you are building this new financial identity because your identity is going to go through all of those stages. It’s going to be a newborn, it’s going to be a toddler, then it’s, you know, going to be a little pre-Ker, it’s going to be a middle schooler. Like use that analogy to your advantage because over time what happens is your old identity isn’t going to stand a chance as you continue to reflect on the things that you were able to do now.
And there are going to be things that you encounter along the way that feel new, right? There are going to be new life circumstances that you can’t have predicted. It could be, wow, like I didn’t know I was going to get a divorce or I didn’t know that I was going to total my car or I didn’t know that I was going to have to have surgery. Those might be new things that come up and they feel unexpected, but when you are spending the time now in your current season to build that new financial identity, when that version of you encounters that situation, she’s going to know how to handle it. She may not know all of the perfect solutions, but she’s going to be more willing to ask questions.
She’s going to be able to engage with the circumstance and that engagement of the circumstance is important because it is going to change the trajectory of what it looks like to be on the other side of that circumstance. And I’m bringing up those examples because I have walked with clients through divorce. I’ve walked with clients through losing parents. I’ve walked through clients with losing jobs and we couldn’t have predicted that was going to happen. But because we were able to navigate unknown circumstances together and funnel them through this new financial identity, they are building up that identity. It’s becoming stronger and I don’t even know the word I’m looking for, but it now starts to, I would say that it now starts to no longer be a new financial identity and it just becomes their identity.
And that is what I want for you. So wherever you are on this financial journey, maybe you’ve worked with me and you’re listening to me right now, I want you to really consider because maybe you haven’t talked to me. Maybe you are in one of those places where you’re like, dang, Keina, you know what’s going on. I got something new going on with my life, right? And that’s totally normal. I want you to think about since the time we worked together to where you are now, how old is your financial identity? Maybe it’s three years old. But still, a three-year-old, I don’t know if you know a three-year-old’s motor skills, but they are still working on a lot of things. Ask a three-year-old to do a jumping jack. They can’t do it. It’s not good.
And so just be kind to yourself and give yourself grace. If you’re listening to me and you’re thinking about working with me and you’re like, Keina, girl, I ain’t checking no bank accounts. I’m not doing any of this stuff that you’re talking about. That’s okay too. Your new financial identity, it’s in the conception phase. You are thinking about this person that you want to become. So you want to nurture that version of you. And I would say the next step for you is apply to work with me. Give that idea, the conception of an idea that you could have a new financial identity, nurture it. Get the coaching and get the support. That’s what my five-month coaching partnership is all about. is not only helping you see like, okay, two plus three equals five, which we know, but really helping you craft a plan to help you pay down the debt, to help you feel like, okay, I make six figures and I feel like the person that’s making six figures.
I love knowing where my money is going. I got money in my bills account. I’m not even worried about payday. Like that’s the work that we’re doing, but you’re also going to build your new financial identity by learning to give yourself grace, being patient with yourself and being on the other side of becoming someone new. So as you’re going through this week, once again, I want you to be thinking about how old is my financial identity? And if you are in the middle of building a new identity, think about how old your former financial identity is. So you’ve kind of got two identities going. You are the person managing money well, and then you have this other version of you that’s like, nah girl, you can’t do it.
So think about how old the nah girl is. And then think about how old the girl is that’s like, no, I got this, I’m capable. I can move forward with my money. I know exactly what to do. Because sometimes we need to remind ourselves that we’re not starting from scratch. We’re building on top of the things that we’re learning. We’re learning new things, we’re making decisions, we’re creating new patterns, and we’re becoming someone who manages our money well. So the next time you feel like you’ve made a mistake, I want you to ask yourself, if this identity was a day old, how would I speak to myself right now? If I knew this identity was a year old, how would I speak to myself right now?
Before you tell yourself like, I should have known better. Because your new financial identity really deserves the same compassion, patience, and grace that you would give to anyone else who is learning something new. And I think that’s a really important part of becoming the person you want to be with your money. It’s not just about learning how to manage your money, but it’s also about learning how to speak to yourself as someone who’s learning how to manage their money. So that’s all I have for this week. And if this episode resonated with you, I would ask you to share with someone.
And then if you know, like Keina, I’ve been listening to you, I really want to work with you. Friend, I would encourage you, let today be the day that you decide to do something new, because it is going to change your 2026 and set yourself up for 2027. I hate saying that it’s about to be 2027, but it’s the truth. And I want you to go into January, not being worried about what are you going to do. So the only thing that’s going to hold you back is if you stay in the same place right now, which is just thinking about working with me. So go to my show notes or go to wealthovernow.com and you can apply there. Until next time, have a great week.
Outro: Thank you so much for listening to Money Files. If you’re ready to take the next step to reach your financial goals, head to www.wealthovernow.com/appointment and let’s get started.
