Are you spending money to feel better? Just sit with that question for a second before we dive in, because if you had to answer it honestly, the answer is probably yes. And that is not a bad thing on its own, but what I want you to think about today is whether the spending is actually delivering what you are looking for when you reach for your wallet.
A few weeks ago I had one of those stretches where the weather in DC was gray and rainy for seven days straight and everything felt harder than it needed to be. A friend invited me over, we ordered DoorDash, I spent $80, and the next morning I woke up feeling like that was some of the best money I had spent in a long time. Not because of the food, but because I changed my environment, reset my mood, and got exactly the connection I was looking for. That $80 worked because I was conscious about what I was actually buying myself and it was not something I do every week on autopilot.
That is the difference I want to talk about in this episode, because a lot of our spending habits started out of emotion and then became routine, and once something becomes a default we stop asking whether it is actually giving us what we need. In this episode I am introducing something I call the joy list, a simple two-sided tool that gives you something to reach for when you are having one of those days so that you can honor both your emotions and the financial goals you have already committed to.
In this episode you’ll learn…
[00:04:30] Why so many of our spending decisions are emotional even when we think they are rational, and why that is not the problem we think it is
[00:08:15] How spending from emotion becomes a default habit and why we stop evaluating whether it is actually giving us the relief, connection, or joy we are looking for
[00:12:40] What the joy list is, why it has two sides, and how building one gives you a different outlet to reach for when you have already decided where your money is going this month
[00:17:20] How to figure out what actually fills you up that costs money versus what fills you up that is completely free, and why the free side of the list is harder to build but more important than you think
[00:21:45] How to use your joy list in real time so that the next time you are about to spend to feel better you can pause and ask yourself whether this is actually the best way to get what you need right now
Tune in to this episode of Money Files to learn how to create a joy list that helps you get what you actually need in the hard moments without letting emotional spending derail the financial goals you have already set for yourself.
Are you ready to start asking for help with your finances? Apply to work with me, and let’s start working towards your financial goals.
If you loved this episode on using a joy list to disrupt emotional spending, check out Episode 215 How Frictionless Spending Quietly Drains Your Bank Account.
Transcript for “How to Create a Joy List That Keeps Emotional Spending From Derailing Your Budget”
Intro: Hi, and welcome to Money Files. I’m Keina Newell from Wealth Over Now. I work everyday with professional women and solopreneurs to help them get out of financial overwhelm and shame so they can experience more flexibility and ease with their finances. Are you ready to gain confidence and learn to manage your finances intentionally? Tune in and grab financial tips that will help you master the way you think about and manage your finances.
Keina: I want to ask you an honest question. Are you spending money to feel better? Just sit with that question for a second before we actually dive into today’s episode. Because I think a lot of us, if we had to answer that question honestly, the answer is going to be yes. But maybe you’ve never really asked yourself that question or you’ve never given the yes out loud. And so today on Money Files, we are going to be talking about something that I think is an underlying reason that we spend money, and that’s our emotions. Specifically, I want to talk about the way that we reach for our wallets. And most times our wallets are in our hand now, right? If you have Google Pay or Apple Pay, and you go to do this thing, you go to make a purchase because you are desiring a certain feeling. And that’s not how it happens in your brain.
But a couple of weeks ago, we had, gosh, oh my goodness, it was just like a terrible, it was a terrible week of weather here in DC. It was rainy. It was like Memorial Day weekend, and it was rainy the entire week. Like for seven days straight, it was just rain and gray, rain and gray. And if you’ve ever had a week where it’s like, can the rain just let up? Could I please see the sun? Then you know exactly what I’m talking about. And it just feels like everything that you need to do just takes a little bit longer. And your to-do list, your best intentions. If you’re like me, you just feel so unproductive, and it can be really, really hard to motivate yourself. And so anyways, I was talking to one of my girlfriends on the phone after probably like five to six days of this weather that we had. And I was like, oh my goodness, I feel like we were over seasonal depression.
Like how do we have so much rain? Why is it so gloomy? And she was like, I feel you. Like it’s the same thing. I was like, I need to get out of my house. Like I haven’t even been to the gym, but I have no motivation to get out of my house because it’s so gloomy outside. And she’s like, you should come over tonight and we can like, she has two little girls. She’s like, we can do dinner. We can door dash something. I’ll just feed the girl something out the cabinet and we can door dash something. So fast forward $80 later of door dash. And the next morning I should say, when I woke up, I was like, oh my goodness. That was like the best $80 that I have spent in a really long time. And I texted her just to let her know, like, thank you so much for getting me out of my house.
I always feel better, like smiling, laughing with friends and just having a moment. So being able to engage with her and her girls, like I needed that, like that $80 door dash was not really about the food. It was about me changing my environment, being able to change my mood, having a reset in what really felt like just a hard week because of the weather. And that $80 provided me a bright spot. And I probably had food at home. If Dave Ramsey was watching me, he would tell me you shouldn’t have spent that money, but I spent the $80. I don’t regret it. And I would do it over again. Like I would relive that moment over again, but here’s what I want to offer to you today is that moment worked because I also was really conscious about it.
I knew what I was buying myself. And I don’t do that every week where I’m like, Oh, I’m just door dashing $80 and like doing it mindlessly. It’s not because I can’t door dash. If I wanted to, if that was my priority, I could door dash $80 every single week. But it’s because I have a plan. I have a budget and I know where my money is going. And I make decisions about my priorities. And so those decisions mean that sometimes I would rather get creative about how I’m going to infuse joy in my life. And that doesn’t always mean that I’m willing to spend money on it. And that is what brings me to the question I want you to sit with today. When you spend money to feel better, does it actually work? Not that it’s wrong, not that you should stop, but really just thinking about like, is it actually delivering for you? Are you getting the connection? Are you getting the relief? Are you getting that brightness that you’re actually looking for?
I can think of a lot of times that I have spent money from an emotion. I could have been tired. I could have been sad. I could have even been excited, but it didn’t necessarily create a long-term return on investment for me. And I think that a lot of our spending habits, they have started just out of routine. They started out of habits or like comfort, and we don’t go and we don’t evaluate it. We are not evaluating going to the happy hour after work and whether or not that’s still something that brings us joy. We’re not evaluating the boxes that are coming to our house. They just may have come on a very stressful day. And once again, these things, I’m not talking about these things as being good or bad, but I want you to think about that we have defaults.
And when something becomes the default, we stop asking if it’s actually giving us what we need. And that’s what I want you to be thinking about, because budgeting isn’t just a math exercise, but it’s also thinking about where am I giving myself space when I need it for emotions to be able to play a part? Where am I also making sure that emotions aren’t just fully playing a part in how I’m spending my money from week to week and day to day. So you might think that you are making rational decisions about your money, but a lot of the time we are making emotional decisions, even, I mean, it could be something as simple as a $10 purchase at Marshall’s or TJ Maxx. And we can explain it away because we can say, oh, well, I haven’t actually been to TJ Maxx or Marshall’s in like a really long time. And I used to spend $80 here, but now it’s just $10, but it doesn’t change the fact that it is an emotional decision.
And I want you to be in front of those emotional decisions that you’re making. Emotional decisions aren’t bad, but just like I was telling you about the ROI that I got from having dinner with my friend that night, it was one that I’m like, oh no, no, no. That totally changed the course and trajectory of what I was experiencing that day. And it was worth it. So I want you to be thinking about this in your own life because sometimes money can fix our emotions. And then other times we’re not going to be able to use money to fix our emotions. And that’s why I want to invite you to do something that I have figured out also works for me when it’s like, okay, you have an emotional spending problem and it’s not going to be solved with money.
You’re not choosing to solve it with money. And it’s what I call a joy list. And I want you to create one today. It’s going to be a two-sided joy list. So there’s going to be things that actually bring you joy that you spend money on. And then there’s going to be things that bring you joy that are simply free. And you just need to be reminded that they exist. So your joy list is going to have two sides. And one side of your joy list is going to be the things that bring you joy that costs money. Maybe it’s dinner with your friends. Maybe it’s the concert tickets. Maybe it’s a impromptu staycation. Maybe it’s just a weekend trip away. And you may go an hour or even three hours away by car. And so those types of things belong on your joy list that require you to spend money.
So this, once again, isn’t talking about like, should you do it or should you not do it, but really thinking about what are the things that actually bring you joy. And this can be important to understand because you might realize I’m spending money right now on things that don’t actually bring me joy. They just become routine. And then on the other side of this list, I want you to write down things in your life that bring you joy, but they don’t cost you anything. And this might be a challenging one. I would tell you to really sit and think about it because maybe you’ve just forgotten what actually brings you joy, but doesn’t cost you money because it’s not something that you think about.
So things that would be on my list are going on a walk. Sometimes I might walk around my neighborhood. Sometimes I might get in my car. There’s like several trails around me and I might just get out of my car and walk around the neighborhood or walk around those trails. Other things that bring me joy are like hopping on my bike because I live in DC. Like I might ride it around the national mall. We have a lot of amazing trails, so I might hit a trail and enjoy the weather outside. Also turning on a really good playlist. If you give me some nineties RMB, my mood is going to change. So it could just be turning on a playlist. Sometimes I name playlist in my phone that just can shift my energy. Also like if I’m listening to music while I cook dinner, that’s something else that can bring me joy.
But I intentionally choose that. I know why I’m doing the thing because I want to shift in my attitude that day or my emotions that day. Other things that create joy for me are like talking on the phone and reconnecting with people, especially like I have really good girlfriends from college and just different decades in my life. It can also be reading a book. Those are the things that bring me joy. And so thinking about for yourself, what are things that genuinely fill you up and don’t cost you money? This joy list matters because there are going to be moments in your life when you’ve already decided where your money is going. You paid for a trip. You’ve got a big goal you’re working on and you’re not going to want to drop $80 on DoorDash that week because you’ve already chosen something else for where that money is going.
And in that moment, when you’ve maybe had a hard day or maybe your default is, Ooh, I really want to go to happy hour or I want DoorDash to deliver some ice cream to me, you will have something else to reach for. You’ll have this joy list. You can put it in your phone and you can activate it. So when we talk about being conscious with how we’re spending money and how our money’s moving, it doesn’t mean that you have to say no to everything or that all the fun stuff has to go away. But it’s also being able to give yourself different outlets. It’s being able to think about what do I actually need in this moment? Maybe I do need to go to my friend’s house, sit on her couch and we’re going to order DoorDash. Or maybe I’m going to go to my friend’s house and I’m going to bring the groceries in my house and she’s going to have some groceries in her house and we’re going to cook together.
So it’s being able to find out how do I get the joy that I want in this moment while honoring the plans that I have set for my finances as well. So it’s not a, which one is better, but what is going on in this season of your life and what do you need to pay attention to? So your homework from today’s episode is very simple. I want you to start your joy list. It can be two columns, it can be front and back, it can be a note on your phone, but what fills you up that costs you money and what fills you up that is virtually free. And then the next time you’re about to spend to feel better, or you just know you’ve had one of those days, just pause for two seconds and ask yourself, is this the best way for me to get what I actually need right now?
You are basically a plant. You probably need some water, some food and some sunshine. Those things solve everything. So sometimes the answer is going to be, yes, I’m going to spend money. And sometimes the answer is going to be like, you know what, girl, I just needed a walk. Thank you so much, Keina. That’s what I needed in this moment. So if this episode, if it resonated with you, I would love it if you would share it with a friend who needs to hear it because this friend can also just remind you, girl, let’s check our joy list and see what can we do so we can keep money in our pocket because we got financial goals that we are both focused on. And if you are thinking like, Keina, I’ve been listening to you for a while and things that you talk about, how you talk about money, it resonates with me, I want to invite you to apply to my five month coaching partnership. You can go to my show notes, or you can just go to wealthovernow.com. And at the top, you can apply to work with me. So thank you so much for tuning in and until next time have a great week.
Outro: Thank you so much for listening to money files. If you’re ready to take the next step to reach your financial goals, head to www.wealthovernow.com/appointment, and let’s get started.
